


ocean eyes

by steveeology



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: 5+1, 5+1 meme, Crushes, F/M, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, idiots to lovers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-21
Updated: 2019-10-21
Packaged: 2020-12-27 14:17:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,805
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21120176
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/steveeology/pseuds/steveeology
Summary: The five times you looked into his eyes and the one time he looked into yours.





	ocean eyes

**Author's Note:**

> Summary: The five times you looked into his eyes and the one time he looked into yours. 
> 
> Words: 4.8k+ (oops)
> 
> Warnings: none??
> 
> A/N: this is for @yslbuckyx writing challenge on tumblr and my prompt is the song ocean eyes by billie eilish. i love that song and i love steve rogers and i just have to do this asdfghjkl. plus i’ve read a lot of fics with the 5+1 fic meme so here is my shot at it!
> 
> feedback appreciated!!

**one**.   
_“You alright, Cap?”_

You watched as Steve’s eyes wander, taking in the view of New York City, a place he once called home. The home he grew up in. The home his heart used to belong. The home that had changed and he doesn’t recognize it even in the slightest bit. The man known as the hero gave his life to the world, then he came back but nothing is the same anymore.

You saw his bright blue eyes looking around the buzzing streets, the busy people, the colorful billboards. At some point, his eyes met yours. And in that split second, you saw the flood of emotions that was swimming in them. _Lost. Empty. Clueless._ There were so many questions running in his mind, questions with answers no one wants to hear.

You wish there was an easier way to ease him into this, to get him to accept the fact that he missed seven decades of his life. To tell him about this without causing any ache in his chest. To talk about his 70 years slumber without making it feel like a boulder was thrown on his shoulders.

But there wasn’t. There was no way to dance around this or tiptoe your way in and out. This is Captain America we are talking about. Sooner or later, he will know about it. He has the right to know about it.

That doesn’t make it easier, though.

_“Yeah, I just… I had a date.”_

You met his eyes again, pain and confusion flashing as he blinks. And you couldn’t help but _feel_ for him.

  
Weeks later, Fury assigned you to educate Steve about the modern era. He told you the Captain needed to understand the things he missed out on so that he could get along with the times. You were supposed to help him adjust to his new surroundings, to get him back on his feet again.

Your eyes met his once more when Fury introduced you to Steve officially. He smiled politely. It didn’t quite reach his eyes.

You were determined to help him find a home, a place to belong, in a world full of strange new things.

* * *

**two**.   
You’ve read about him in your history books and you’ve known a lot about him because of the files S.H.I.E.L.D. made you review before meeting Captain America. You thought you knew him.

Turns out, you thought wrong.

You knew only one side of him. Captain America, the man and the legend. Then there was this other side, the Steve Rogers side. And _good god_, he was way more interesting than the image people made of him. You’ve come to learn that he was more than just the suit and the shield. He is so much _more_.

Steve Rogers doesn’t like it when you call him Captain Rogers, so you settle with Steve. Steve Rogers is very interested in the new technology and his currently favorite appliance is the microwave. Steve Rogers loves to try new food and experiment with new flavors and not stick to boiling everything. Steve Rogers turned out to like pop music.

Steve Rogers doesn’t think he is better than anyone else; when someone is talking, he _really_ listens. Steve Rogers is witty and smarter than you initially thought. Steve Rogers remembers every little bit of detail and has a good memory, either because of the serum or that’s just how cool he is. Steve Rogers has a boyish grin and the sky was trapped in his eyes; the posters you’ve seen of him never did him justice.

Steve Rogers won’t admit it aloud, but he does get confused and feel lost in this new era he lives in. Steve Rogers feels lonely, knowing he has outlived everyone he knew and loved, and no one would truly understand what he is going through. Steve Rogers’ mind is a wild ride and is as vast as the universe.

Steve Rogers loves art. And one of the first things he did after getting out of the ice is draw.

“Wow, that’s beautiful,” you said, amazed with how he expertly sketches the New York skyline. “I didn’t know there was an artist streak in you.”

“Ha. No, I don’t think I would call myself an artist. I’m not that good.”

You rolled your eyes. Steve Rogers is humble. “Yeah, right.”

“No, seriously, I’m not!” Steve said, but his face broke into a grin, the edges of his eyes crinkles just the slightest bit. “I’ve been out of practice for 70 years, remember?”

“Hmm yeah, but no one would be able to tell. So stop dodging my compliments and just accept them.”

He laughed, the sound you’ve grown to love from him. “Well… Thank you then. I honestly thought you were going to judge me.”

“Pfsh. _Me_, judging _you_?”

“Yeah. It’s not impossible.”

“Um, nope. Never. Nada. Absolutely not.” You told him, smiling back. “So, when did a Steve Rogers like you learn to draw?”

He proceeds to tell you about how he developed his love for arts in an early age, and how he tried to take arts for college, but he had to drop out a year and a half later because of financial issues. It was still the best time of his life though. Steve showed you a few sketches he finished and a few techniques he learned in the past. You were enchanted by the way he holds his pencil and create life out of nothing but his mind and hands.

“I’ve always wanted to study art. Just the basics though. I wanted to make it a hobby.” You told him after he finished telling you about a new shading technique he just got a hang of.

“I can teach you.” Steve offered immediately. Then he adds, “only if you want to, of course.”

“Didn’t you hear what I just said? I _wanted_ to learn it, as in past tense. But I never did.”

But Steve Rogers is also a stubborn man. He was already ripping a piece of paper off his sketchbook and handing you one of his pencils. “Well then, now is a good time to try it out.”

“Steve, I just—’’

“C’mon, Y/N, you’ve been teaching me a lot of stuff. Let me teach you this time, please?”

You looked at him, and you saw nothing but a grown up man using his puppy dog eyes on you, and you couldn’t possibly resist that. Steve Rogers could get away with anything and everything with that face.

“Fine,” you sighed, acting like you gave in. He gives you a smile, and you couldn’t help but return one back. “Let me just warn you though, I’m not, in any level, good at arts. It’s been years since I last used a pencil for art purposes. And I’m not that easy to be taught.”

“Nothin’ I can’t handle.” He replied confidently.

You shrugged. “Don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

And you were right. You couldn’t get what he was trying to do. You thought you could do it, but that seems impossible. It was unfair because Steve made it looks so easy.

“Yep, art does not like me at all.” You concluded when you compared your drawing to Steve’s. You couldn’t help but laugh at your attempt.

“Well, you can’t say that right now. You’ve just started, after all.” He said with assurance, a smile so soft and kind.

“Hmm yeah, but it’ll be another long time until our next art session.”

Steve laughed. “Well, I have no other student but you, so hit me up anytime.”

You smiled, eyes bright. “Okay, Sir Rogers.”

“Well, since that’s all set, I really want to improve drawing people. So you up for being my model at the mean time?”

A grin escapes your lips. “Sure. You better make me look good.” You playfully glared at him.

“Won’t be a problem.” He winked. Or maybe that was a blink. It was too fast and you missed it. You laughed at that. Steve Rogers is cheesy as fuck.

“Don’t draw like one of your French girls though.”

He cocks his head to the side, eyebrows furrowed. “What?”

“I mean— uhh, never mind. How do you want me?”

He tells you to do whatever you are comfortable with. And so you made a simple pose in front of him. Steve began to sketch you, the little sounds of his pencil meeting the paper filled the air. His eyebrows were slightly furrowed and his tongue occasionally peeked out as he concentrates on his work.

You meet his eyes and smiled. He smiles back before going back to his piece.

Anyone would be lucky to meet Steve Rogers.

* * *

**three**.   
Many people often wonder what do the Earth’s Mightiest Heroes do in their downtime. Hell, with all the chaos this world has to offer, do they even _have_ downtime?

The answer is yes. Yes, they do. And they spend it in doing absolutely _nothing_.

It was one of those rare moments in the common room of the Avengers Compound, where almost all of these heroes gather together in one room and just relax. They were just laying on the couch, huddled together as a cheesy TV show plays in the background, eating an unhealthy amount of junk foods.

You looked around you, surrounded by the people you were glad to call your friends, the Earth’s Mightiest Dorks. You observed them and their smiles and their stress free state. They deserve this, you thought. They deserve to have this freedom and to be carefree after all the things they’ve done for the world. The world owes them a huge debt, and you hope this atmosphere lasts, or if not, it appears more often.

Somehow, you eyes lands on Steve, who was sitting next to Sam. His friend probably cracked a good joke that broke Steve from his usual calm and collected demeanor. And now he was bursting out laughing, head thrown back and hand placed on his chest. He was smiling so wide, you were afraid his face was going to split apart. But his laugh — _oh god_, his laugh — it could melt all the snow of Everest. It’s a refreshing cold breeze from the hot summer air. It’s music to your ears. The sound could scare all the bad things in this world away.

You’ve never seen him shine so bright until today. The sun hides in shame because who needs it when he was the light and warmth this world needs?

You sat and stared; you couldn’t help it. You found yourself caught with the way his eyes seemed to reflect a whole new set of possibilities, like there was more to life than just this — whatever that’s supposed to mean. In his eyes, there were unasked questions but eager answers. His smile was like the early morning sun, warming up the cold spaces inside you, those places you trap yourself in.

There was a hint of playfulness and modesty in his face when you realized he was staring back. And that was when you’ve realized you’ve been caught in the act.

_Oh shit. Oh shit. Oh shit._

You tore away your gaze from him as subtle as possible, focusing on the Natasha and Clint’s good-natured banter, since they were seated in front of you. Your heart skips a beat at the little incident, and you were trying to think of an excuse to tell him, just in case he was going to ask.

You look back at the corner of your eyes, double checking if Steve was doing okay or if he was uncomfortable. But he was also looking back at you, a small sweet smile on his lips. Your heart follows a specific loud beat, it went _ba dump ba dump ba dump_ so fast and loud that you wonder if he could hear.

Little did you know, this was only the beginning.

* * *

**four**.   
You don’t like Steve.

There’s gotta be another term for this tender ache in your chest and the way you feel when he’s around. How you want to talk to him all day but when he is near, you want to run away and hide. There’s got to be another reason for the nights he appears in your dreams and how you keep thinking about how kissable his lips are. There’s got to be an explanation as to why you couldn’t sleep at night, thinking about Steve and if he is going through what you’re experiencing.

You don’t like Steve.

But when he asked you to accompany him to a small mall that housed his favorite art supplies shop, you didn’t say no. You knew nothing about arts, but you agreed to tag along because you love to feel his presence. (There’s gotta be an explanation for that too.)

You don’t like Steve. You’re just a really good person who likes spending time with their friend.

You walked into the store, a little bell chiming as soon as you opened the door. Steve enters first, and you could see him look around like he was a kid in a candy store.

“Y’know,’’ he said, smiling so wide, “I’ve been here for so many times but it always feels like the first time. It feels like I could live here, you know what I mean? I could make this my home.”

You softened, adoring the way his eyes were brighter and how he seems more relaxed here. “Hmm yeah, I know.” You replied. “I can see it in your face.”

“That obvious, huh?”

“Kinda. But hey, if it makes you happy, then it must be really good.”

“Oh, it’s more than just ‘really good.’ You’ve got to check out their watercolors!”

He throws an arm around you, leading you through the shelves of art materials. He proceeds to talk about his interests and what he loves about the different brands and the different medias. You understood almost nothing, it was like he was talking in a language you barely knew. But you clung on to every word he said, like every letter and every breath in between was what you needed to survive. He was truly in his zone, and nothing is more beautiful than that.

_God, he is so beautiful._

“So, are you going to buy the oil paints or the watercolors?” You asked him after he tours you around the shop. He guides you through every art material, from the brushes, the canvases, the markers, to the crayons, the pastels, and the paints. “I’m willing to bet you’re gonna take the oils.”

Steve groaned, obviously caught between two trees. “I really _really_ want to. I’ve been using watercolors for the past few months and I want to try something new. But these watercolors are limited edition! I’ve read a lot of good things about it and I just — _acghh_.”

You chuckled, watching him compare the two items in his hands.

“What should I take?” He asked you all of a sudden, holding up the products in front of you.

“Why are you asking me? We both know I’m not the best person to consult about this. In fact, I’m probably the worst person to ask.”

He grinned. “No, you’re not!”

“Liars get their tongues cut off, Stevie.” You warned playfully, wagging your pointer in front of him.

“No, but seriously. I brought you here to help me decide. Your opinion matters to me.”

You looked at him, then at the objects in his hand. “Why not treat yourself? You can get both.”

“I don’t have the money.”

You bursted out laughing. “Rogers! You have a huge amount of money to buy an island. Plus we’re workmates with a billionaire, remember?”

Steve laughs, but he shakes his head. “Like I said, Y/N, just one.”

You raised a brow at him, but you pointed at the oil paint set. “This one.”

“Oil?”

“Yeah. Try something new. And I know you’re gonna master the hell out of this.”

“Really?” He grinned.

“Of course, you big goof. I’ve got that much faith in you.”

Steve beamed and you feel a tug in your heartstrings and there’s a voice in your head screaming _kiss him kiss him kiss him!_ But you didn’t do it, of course. You don’t like Steve, after all.

“I have one rule though.”

“What’s that?” He asked, but he was looking for the price tag in the product.

“You’re gonna have to show me the finished product.”

Steve looks up and meets your eyes. A boyish smile shows up, his dimples appearing. And you thought, fuck, there’s got to be a reason why you’re suddenly noticing the little things about him and you’re finding all of it beautiful. “The easiest rule I’m not willing to break. You got yourself a deal.”

You don’t like Steve.

You don’t like him.

_But you were already halfway there._

* * *

**five**.   
_He doesn’t like me. He doesn’t like me. He doesn’t like me._

This is one of the worst things that happens to people who fall in love. After accepting the fact that, _yeah, maybe i do like this person_ feeling, you’ll get the too bad they don’t like me back or feel the same way feeling. It’s the feeling of seeing what you want, what you need, but you can’t get it for yourself because maybe it’s not for you. Besides, if it was meant to be, it should’ve been by now, right?

That’s when you repeat this mantra in your head to not forget. To not give a different meaning to every smile and every glance he gives your way. To suppress the feeling in your chest. To prevent from falling too far and getting yourself hurt with your own expectations. Because you don’t think you’ll be able to handle the pain of a one-sided love.

_He doesn’t like me. He doesn’t like me. He doesn’t like me._

But Steve conquers your entire thought train like it was his territory, his empire. No matter how much you try to shut him out, to forget, to repeat he doesn’t like me in your head, he’s still on your mind. When you close your eyes, you can still see an image of him beneath your eyelids. It was impossible to get him out of your head.

That doesn’t mean you’re not going to try.

So when someone from the finance department of SHIELD (_Jason? Jonathan? Whatever his name is…_) asked you out to dinner, you said yes, desperate to keep Steve out of your mind.

Dressing up in a casual but presentable dress and doll shoes, you concluded that you looked great. You checked you reflection in the mirror, checking if your light makeup was on point and if there was any smudge you had to get rid of. Feeling your throat dry up, you decided to walk by the common room to get a glass of water before leaving. When you arrived, you saw Sam and Steve at the couch, probably watching something.

“_Whoa_!” Sam exclaimed, a grin on his face. “Lookin’ great, Y/N! Got a special someone to meet tonight?”

“Just because I’m dressed up like this—“ you said, gesturing to your outfit, “doesn’t always have to mean I’m gonna go on a date.”

“You’re going on a date?” Steve asked. You couldn’t quite make out the expression in his face. You paid it no mind; he probably didn’t even care.

“It’s not a date.” You said, grabbing a glass of water and taking a sip. “Just meeting up with someone.”

“Friend? Best friend? Boyfriend?” Steve said.

You shook your head. “None of the above. Just… an acquaintance.”

“Oh, you’ll get _very_ acquainted, I’m sure.” Sam wagged his eyebrows. You rolled your eyes at his silliness. “It’s John from accounting, right?”

(_Oh, so his name is John!_) “Uh yeah. How’d you know?”

“Words travels fast, darling. Besides, everyone knows he’s been crushing on you for quite a while.”

You blinked. “Huh. Everyone but me then.”

“John’s a good guy.” Steve suddenly blurted. You stared at him with wide eyes. “Met him, pretty decent.”

“That he is.” Sam agreed. “So what are you still doing here? Go to your date!”

You sighed. “It’s not a date.”

“Whatever you say.” He teased with a smirk.

You downed the last of your water before placing the glass on the sink. “Well then, as much as I want to hit you Sam, I gotta go or else I’ll be late. But I _will_ get back at you later.”

Sam’s smirk grew. “Nah, you can’t live without me.”

“Think again, Bird Boy. Besides, you haven’t told me about Lily.”

His face fell at the mention of the name. “Wait, you know about —”

“Bye Sam! Bye Steve.” You waved at them as you began to walk towards the door. Sam was shouting at you to come back, to explain what you’ve just said. But you couldn’t focus on that. All you can think about is how you could feel his stare burning holes at your back. You turned back, just the slightest, just enough to see if you were imagining things.

You looked at Steve. And there were hints of green in his ocean eyes.

  
Tonight is going on better than the typical first dates people had. The dinner was lovely and the food was delicious. And John was a great guy too. You’re enjoying John’s company and the happiness bubbling inside your chest. There were no awkward moments or tensed atmosphere. As soon as you sat with him, the conversations flowed, and he was good at it. He knew what to say and just what to talk about. He’s humorous; he cracks really good jokes that will make your stomach hurt from laughing too much.

Decent, a gentleman, and not too bad for the eyes. He was the package deal, the kind of man the ladies would want.

There was only one problem though: _he wasn’t Steve_.

His eyes weren’t as blue as Steve’s. His laugh didn’t sit right with you. His smile wasn’t what you were used to. When he reached out touch hold your hand, it wasn’t calloused or warm as Steve’s. He didn’t make your heart skip a beat, or your stomach flutter into butterflies. He didn’t make you feel like Steve does. _He wasn’t Steve._

And it made you realize how much you wanted _Steve_.

You went home, thanked him for a great dinner, but you apologized because you don’t think you can go on for another date.

John smiled, understanding what you’ve said without you needing to finish it. He respectfully takes his leave, and you rushed inside the compound, wanting to be inside the comfort of your room.

Too much for trying to get Steve out of your head.

* * *

**plus one**.   
“You’re back.”

As soon as you stepped into the common room, you caught Steve at the kitchen counter. He chugging some kind of juice from the carton. A smile appeared from your lips when you noticed; it’s always been a bad habit of his, one that he somehow gets away with from the team.

There was a hint of relief in his face and tone, like he was happy to see you return. You thought of him just being concerned about your safety.

“Yeah,” you replied with a shrug. “I’m back.”

“How was it? The date, I mean.”

“Hmm, it was okay.”

Steve stared at you for a while, waiting for a continuation. “Just ‘_okay_?’”

“Yeah. Just that.” You walked towards him to grab a glass. You reached out for his juice carton, but he volunteers to fill up your glass for you. You took a long sip. “John’s a nice guy. But I just didn’t feel the click, y’know?”

“Ah.” He replied, his shoulders releasing the tension he’s been holding. “I see.”

“Yeah…”

“Okay…”

_How awkward._ You whispered in your head.

“So, uh, it’s been a really long day, y’know? I’m kinda tired.” You dropped the finished juice in the sink and turned to leave. “If you need me, I’ll be at my room, okay?”

You shot him a smile, but didn’t give him a chance to react because you turned away from him, wanting to lie on your bed and scream into your pillow.

“Y/N?”

You stopped in your tracks and turned towards him. “Yes?”

“I just… I want to tell you something.” He said shakily. “I need to get it off of my chest before I loose the nerve to because I know if I don’t speak up, I’m gonna beat myself up.”

He hesitantly walked towards you, and you did the same with tiny steps, meeting him halfway. You both stood in the middle of the common room, in front of one another. You didn’t realize you were holding your breath until you spoke up. “Steve?”

“I’ve got to get this off my chest.” He said again, looking into your eyes, gentle but firm. “And I know you just got back from your date, and the entire time you were gone, I kept on thinking. So I’m sorry, this is going to be weird for you, but I just can’t keep pushing it down.” Steve releases a shaky breath, fingers pushing back his cuticles, a beautiful shade of pink appearing in his cheeks. _God, he is so beautiful_. “You might not want to speak to me again, and it might ruin everything but… I have feelings for you. Really strong feelings.”

He said it so softly and so sweet. He said it and let it fill the space between you and him and anything else that surrounds you at this moment. The room turns hazy, like everything is blurry, and Steve is the only one in razor sharp clarity. He said it so softly, but it felt like a megaphone in your ear. And your heart begins to flutter like a hummingbird’s wings.

“Steve—“ You breathed.

“I like you. Like, _a lot_.” He continues, spilling out his heart in front of you. “I liked you ever since you taught me about computers and when you told me that I should continue drawing. I liked you ever since you agreed to let me draw you, and I tried so hard to capture how I see and feel about you but I got frustrated because I couldn’t get it right on paper.”

You exhaled a laugh. “It was beautiful anyway.” You told him, tears welling up, a smile on your lips.

“_You’re_ beautiful.” Steve said, like his lips were the honeycomb and you craved every word. “God, I like you a lot, and whenever we’re together, I keep discovering reasons to like you more. And when you went on that date, it was like a wake up call. That another person could get someone I wanted for so long. Someone I needed. Then I tell myself that I don’t deserve you, or that you won’t like me back. But I don’t think I’ll be able to go on without at least giving myself a try, a chance. So yeah… I like you a lot.”

You stared at him with wide eyes, your heart nearing combustion. Gone was the mantra you’ve told yourself before. _He doesn’t like me, he doesn’t like me, he doesn’t like me_ was now replaced with _he likes me, he likes me, oh god he likes me._

“It’s okay though, if you don’t like me back. At least I told you how I felt…” Steve continued to talk excessively. “I just hope we can still be friends, though I know my feelings might change your thinking and stuff. I don’t want to pressure you with anything at all. And I know that— _whoa_,“ he paused, looking at the distance between your lips and his. You’ve been leaning forward the entire time he was talking and he didn’t notice. “Your lips are getting _really_ close to mine.”

You chuckled, tilting you head a little to the side. “Nice observation, Rogers. Wanna do something about it?”

He stared at you, his ocean eyes capturing you like the waves capture the shores. “Are… you sure?”

“Yes.” You whispered.

And the kiss felt like… you were skyrocketing out of this world. Like you were on a mission to travel the vast universe. And when you’re found a new discovery, you lead your rocket towards it. Lips crashed and landed to the great unknown. It was fitting, as you had no idea what lies ahead for you and Steve.

But that’s the thrill, isn’t it? The thrill is that you have all the time in the world to discover a new universe with him. The thrill is that you can create a new world with him as your axis. The thrill is that you have him. And he has you.


End file.
